Anxiety

I have been plagued with anxiety for most of my life. On and off I have phases where it hits me and I am usually afflicted for a few months before it tends to drop away for a little while, giving me some reprieve. While it’s seriously unpleasant it doesn’t stop me doing much. I continue on, trying to ignore it, or at least aim to give it as little attention as I possibly can. I hold on to my little girl a little closer. I am probably more needy of my husband, and on the flip side more irritated with him. But it generally just sits there, while I continue on with things as they were. Seemingly living in harmony with this uncomfortable mind state.

When I’m feeling anxious –

~ I am so stuck in my head it is a fucking nightmare. I may be thinking about someone else, something I did or said, or didn’t do or didn’t say, but generally, anxiety makes me incredibly selfish as it’s all about what goes on in my mind.

~ I doubt EVERYTHING. I am not good enough at ANYTHING. I feel worthless, insecure and suffer terribly from ‘imposter syndrome’.

~ I avoid socialising. I get anxious even thinking about checking my emails, and I absolutely hate social media.

~ Sometimes I feel like I am just loosing my shit completely. No really. It’s like the fear I feel must mean that something terrible is going to happen, and perhaps that something terrible is that I am just going to go completely crazy.

~ I obsess over things I have to do, and dread them.

~ I run.

~ I forget that I’m not alone. I stop looking around and get so lost in my own mess of a mind that I forget that there are many people who go through this daily.

And that is why I continue to share. To remind even one person out there that your are NOT ALONE. From the outside I look happy, healthy and like I have it all together. On the inside it’s just a series of good and bad days, sometimes just good and bad moments.

PS – For any suffers out there check out Sarah Wilson’s book ‘First we make the beast beautiful’ it’s an incredibly insightful and comforting read

Alicia xxx

There are 2 comments on this post

  1. Sarah Alley
    14 hours ago

    Hun thank you so much for sharing. I can relate to every single little bit of this and what you are experiencing when you tumble into that downward spiral. It kind of makes it easier knowing that others experience exactly the same thing, but kind of doesn’t in the moment at the same time. It’s that inability to get out of you “own head” it does your fucking head in I know! Just know I am always there for you lady if you need a helping hand never a second of judgement from me. You are NEVER alone, and know that it will get better it always does, beacause you are SO strong. Hold on to that strength. Love u lady
    Sez xxx

    Reply
    1. Alicia Author
      6 hours ago

      Thank you for these words Sez. You are so very right, it is always a comfort to know you are not alone, but in the end we have to get through our suffering on our own. But this is what we do, we continue taking one step at a time, keeping in contact with our breath and continually reminding ourselves that this too shall pass. Love you beautiful xxx

      Reply

Leave your thought