In Australia we have a culture of boozing, a lot. It’s quite astounding when you step back from it and look closely at how much alcohol we consume, how often we consume it and how it is just an accepted part of our society. Now I say ‘we’ however I am most definitely on the outer of this little boozy bubble.

Now before you start commenting on how much vino the Europeans drink and how the American college kids love to sink piss out of those big red cups don’t misquote me here, I’m not saying other countries don’t have a problem with drinking, I’m just calling it how I see it in the wonderful land of Oz and comparing it to what I’ve seen on my travels abroad.

I started drinking at a very young age, I’m talking 13 and passed out, being taken home to my astounded parents who drove me straight to hospital in fear of my life. I won’t go into all the sordid details but my teenage years were turbulent to say the least. I continued to up the ante through my later (16-18) teen years and managed to upset every single one of my friends during this time by doing things that were so out of character that I choose not to think of them anymore. It has taken me a long time to get over these incidences, some of which I don’t know the full details of as I am only going off other peoples accounts. I have spent many hours sitting in meditative contemplation, days sweating it out on the yoga mat and months experiencing regret, anxiety and depression over these times, but finally I had to let go and forgive myself, for my own wellbeing I have moved beyond the past. Then, at 19, I met my now husband and taught him how to shot straight vodka like the pro I was. He now jokes that he used to try to keep up but I would always surpass him and ended up being the drunkest at the party with him having to carry me home, or at least try to. Why he stayed will always amaze me, but I thank every star in the sky that he did. My drinking continued to peak until I was blacking out regularly and waking up to my beautiful Man being very unhappy with what I had done/said the previous night, much to my dismay as I though we’d had a great time? No we had not had a great time, rather like crunch time, change or loose the man of my dreams. So I changed, both for him and myself. I was sick of being on a roller coaster of emotions, just able to get myself back to feeling semi normal by Thursday and hitting it all over again on Friday night. I was completely over doing and saying things that I did not choose to do or say, and I was fast becoming someone I did not like very much. So I gave up the bottle, and it most definitely was not easy.

One of the hardest parts of quickly becoming a ‘tea totter’ as I was called on more than 1 occasion, was that my friends were more used to me being the ‘life of the party’, until I wasn’t of course. This was another thing my Man always had to contend with, I would have a huge group of mates with me eagerly pushing me on and convincing me I needed another drink until I was tipped over the edge and then they would bail, leaving my Hubby to pick up the pieces. So there was a large chunk of time, just after I promised to clean up my act, when we didn’t do anything. I said no to most social events as I knew I would be placed in situations where I would be having to say over and over again that no, I’m not drinking AGAIN tonight. I grew tired of people looking at me like, and often telling me, I was boring. I got sick of explaining why I wasn’t drinking and having people who were well on their way to being pissed trying to actually force a drink in my hand to make them feel better about the choices they were making. Basically I was the person who made every else feel bad about themselves because I had made the choice to give up and move on. It was shit. But I stuck with it, and over time friends started accepting that this was the way it was now. I still have friends reminisce about the ‘old days’ and we go through our accounts of how hilarious I was (because I was hilarious, of course!) but through all the memories and even with all the time that has passed I can still feel the anxiety that drinking to excess brought up for me.

So why have I decided to pour out my heart like this now? Well it has just come up for me that we should not try to change people to make them more like ourselves, instead we should accept them as they are, right now. This means I won’t force you to step onto a Yoga mat and do a 10 minute headstand if you won’t make me feel bad because I choose not to drink a toxic substance that makes me a lousy person, deal? I will have a beer with you, but just the one, and don’t look at me funny when I switch to water as I’m not coming on this little journey of self abuse with you tonight, or ever again for that matter. I don’t get all excited over a night out anymore, rather getting up early on Saturday morning to breathe and be with my family is what really fills me up, I doth get that pull of getting drunk and letting my inhibitions go anymore, its more like every cell in my body says ‘NO, stop, don’t drink any more, this is not working to better you in any way!’ So I guess this means I’m all grown up? It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to join me, I’m quite happy over here all by myself!

Alicia xxx