Throwing away the checklist
In life I have a constant check list. Some days most of the stuff gets done, I tick it all off in my head and feel quite satisfied with myself. Then there are the days where nothing goes to plan, my daughter is more demanding than usual, there are constant phone calls, texts and emails, endless mess and nothing in particular is achieved, I finish the day feeling hopeless. But isn’t that just life? I once heard that our inbox is never empty, and it will only ever be empty when we are dead! When teaching I often remind my students to let go of expectations, to simply be with their breath and in the moment, however honestly I find this extremely difficult to live this daily.
As a woman (and I am not discriminating against you gentlemen out there, but speaking from the only place I know how, my own experience) I feel the pressure I place upon myself….every. single. day. To work, to be a good attentive Mum, to spend time with my husband, to clean, to cook, to read and of course to stay fit and healthy…this is just the start.
Recently I was having trouble being present during my practice, still coming to the mat everyday but feeling as if I was just going through the motions, it was becoming just another thing on the list. When I spoke to my teacher about this he said something that scared the crap out of me, he said if you can’t find the joy in the practice then you shouldn’t do it….what?! Going on to explain himself he, as always, made me see the light in the lesson which needed to be learned and brought clarity to the whole issue. Yoga, or any other exercise, should not be a chore. These things should bring us joy, they should clear our minds, lighten our hearts and connect us to our true essence, one of happiness. To get back to this stage my teacher said I should simply go to my mat and lay in savasana. Awesome?! Well to me this is a massive struggle, being a serial doer and a physical person who is not happy unless my body is sore and suffering my teacher made me see that, plain and simple, this is at the core of most of my problems. The pressure I place upon myself is, like I’m sure a lot of you out there, huge. I am a perfectionist and I am only happy when moving forward, however when the bar has been set so high that you need to continually go beyond your limitations to reach it, the only way out of this is to come crashing down. So crashing down I came, exhausted and anti social, and over everything. Thank god for my teacher, I am so grateful to him for helping me see the light once again. I am so grateful to the practice of yoga, so much more than just a physical exercise it constantly (as my teacher put it) gives me a mirror to see myself in and shows me how to work through habitual patterns, it is never easy but it is so worth it.
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Time and age will help u feel less pressure, or pressure of a less demanding nature. Your teacher puts everything back into perspective for you as u do for me and I am sure to your other students. We often help others while struggling ourselves why do we need to be this perfect??? On my journey as a young mum I wish I had been less inclined to strive for this thing called perfection and just listened and respected my body and mind more!!! If only! Now although not perfect by a long way I realise that there is always tomorrow and each day is a new day and every day needs to be cherished. So if our list is not ticked off does it matter? NO NO NO, just do your best the next day as eventually everything will be crossed off and guess what it starts all over again! I think you do an amazing job juggling everything so be happy and proud, you have a beautiful daughter who loves life as her mum does, she's a credit to you. Love reading your
articles, keep them coming xoxox