It’s cool to be uncool
Over the years my definition of cool has changed….dramatically. I would be seriously concerned if it hadn’t.
When I was in my early teens I thought people who wore pants that were 4 sizes too big, smoked cigarettes and hung out in shopping centres were very cool.
From here I decided that I was more into people who surfed, had long blonde hair and said things like ‘stoked’ and ‘Grommies’. I moved between loving dreadlocks, piercings and tattoos to hating any guy who smoked and I also looked down on anyone who wore helmets?! Although the definitions changed there was always the same theme, the deemed cool and uncool. Then I met the man of my dreams and these self categorised cool ratings all flew out the window.
He did not fit into either box of cool or uncool, in fact he did not fit into a box at all. He made me look at how I had treated the external world and flipped my thinking upside down. He was everything I had deemed unworthy – he played afl (previously referred to by me as, yes you guessed it, arial ping pong) he was not from the beach and most definitely did not surf, he did not wear ‘cool, hip’ clothes and most importantly he did not give a shit about any of that. He was so very cool. Funnily enough all the people I previously thought were cool classified my new beau as very uncool, to which I really couldn’t have cared less. My man made me realise I had been wasting so much time judging and missing out on relationships as I wasn’t letting anyone outside of the box into my world. Thank god I woke up and today I have so many incredible friends, from all different walks of life, who have many differing passions, all thanks to my very cool/uncool husband.
Today I have major issues with those that need to put themselves in boxes of ‘cool’ and look down on anyone else as less than. Living on the awesome Gold Coast can, at times, bring me face to face with these people and I find myself becoming extremely judgemental, which is just as bad as acting like one of the so called ‘cool kids’. But more and more I am able to see it for what it is, a major waste of energy and not my problem.
The reason for speaking up on this? Bringing up a child is challenging as we want to have them learn all our mistakes without making them themselves. I want my daughter to surf, but most definitely do not want her to be a ‘surfer’. I want her to go to nippers but not be a ‘clubby’, I want her to be free of all classifications so she can just be herself. When we send our kids down a path we are basically telling them this is the right way, and if we treat that path as gospel then, as kids do, they see everything else as the wrong way. How can we show our children that there is no real ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ that it is simply a matter of perception and whatever they want to do is the right way for them, right now? How can we watch them growing up making all the same mistakes of judging for things they may one day do themselves?
All is we can do is be. All we can teach is to be present and non judgmental. Eventually we discover on our own that when you let go of all prejudices, when you feel content and peaceful walking the path you know with all your heart and head, is the right one, you will not need to classify yourself or anyone else. And that is very very cool.